"Wine" and "festival" used to be my favorite words. Just the thought of them would make me giddy. Two summers ago, my life as I knew it changed dramatically at a wine festival. In the midst of alcohol and narcissism, I thought I could balance my party life with my normal life. In other words, I thought I could hang out with the man I was having an affair with while my husband was by my side. Because, of course, I was so smart and stealth my husband would just assume this was another "friend of Kathy's", and I could maintain my charade. Brilliant!
I woke up the next morning, hungover, but pretty sure I would just carry on with my day as I usually did: bleary-eyed, impatient and no questions asked. Timothy was sitting on the couch, looking lost. I made my way to the kitchen to make my coffee when he told me to come and talk to him. Something was up. He read my texts and life as I knew it was over.
Thank God. Not that I cheated on my husband, lied to my family and friends and arrogantly lived without a care for anyone else. Thank God that I had reached bottom, my life was falling apart and I had no choice but to get help or lose everything. I was a train wreck and I could not keep it up. Four months and many therapy sessions later I made my way to AA. I was scared shitless and completely empty. Timothy and I were together because we didn't want to ruin the kids' Christmas. I walked into the basement of a building, certain there was nothing there that could help me. I found a home.
I still marvel that Timothy took me back. It is a testament to his character and loving heart. Quite honestly, he is the finest person I know.
A couple of weeks ago we attended the same wine festival. I was apprehensive; not because of the alcohol but the feelings that might arise. I held Timothy's hand. We looked at art and talked with friends. We left early and went to an open AA talk. Romantic? Not really. Loving? Absolutely.
The only madness I want now is this:
It takes courage to be this open Kath. I am impressed by that courage... as I have always been.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sherry. I promise the next one will be full of pop culture fluff!
ReplyDeleteYou are my shero.
ReplyDeleteLove you, Karen!
ReplyDeleteThis post is such an impressive balance of guts AND sincerity, plus the tie in with Madness seems to make it all the more authentically you; it's wonderful. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI'm not actually anonymous - this is Berry Kendall - but I can't seem to publish my comments any other way.
ReplyDeleteKathy, your post moved me to no end. The scathing self-analysis you shared is not only inspiring, but so helpful to me. I may not have the same exact struggles, but I certainly have demons and it's so easy to push them down rather than face them head on as you have. You make me want to be better.
I met you two summers ago at the height of your "madness" and although I sensed what a good person you were, I was scared off a bit by small-town gossip. I'm so grateful to know the real Kathy because I happen to adore her!
Quite a few people hit rock bottom but refuse to do the hard work required to claw their way back to the land of accountability and integrity. Props to you for not only humbly doing so but for being willing to share your story.